Yes...but at what cost?!

These were very profound words that were said to me months ago at a GNO by a dear friend of mine who never has any trouble calling me out...EVER!  It's a characteristic that I love about her and that night as she sat there listening to stories of motherhood and friendships that have come and gone she said those words to me that have kinda stuck.  Not so much in that exact situation but just in life in general.  Yes (MARIE) but at what cost?!  I get all your reasonings behind why you want to do it, why you feel you need to do it, why it may be the right thing to do, or why you just have to...but AT WHAT COST?!

This statement crawled out of my sub-conscience and slapped me upside the head as I read an old blog today too.  The author's name is Jen Hatmaker and she makes a statement that could go hand in hand with this.  The title is "When is it Time to Walk Away?"  There are some very powerful gems in this blog.  One's that I will write down and post on my mirror for the next few days, weeks, months...whatever it takes to make some tough decisions.  I want to share them with you and encourage you to check out her blog too!  She states "You can’t pour antidote into a vat of poison forever and expect it to transform into something safe, something healthy."  She goes on to say "Not every battle has a winner; sometimes it is all losers, carnage everywhere...often the bravest thing we can do is stop fighting for something that will never, ever be well."  I absolutely love that last part, "the bravest thing we can do" talk about speaking to the absolute core of my being!  And one of the things that stuck like glue was this..."And here is the key: we can pour an endless amount of energy into the chasm, and it will never matter."  This is where I feel like I am...pouring endless energy into a chasm that will never, ever matter.

So now what...that's where my very intelligent friend's words come in to play...at...what...cost?  It's a lot to ponder and ultimately I have to decide what I'm willing to pay.

Just some food for thought.

Peace Out!

Lil Moments...

This week I got on a plane and came to help my momma who had surgery on her neck.  I'm not telling you that to get some type of hero cookie or pat on the back.  It's the right thing to do so I did it.  Quite frankly it something that has been lost in this generation but that is a different subject for a different time.  I am always amazed by reflection.  Sitting here thinking about the week when I should be sleeping.  There are so many things rattling around in this brain of mine.  So I thought I'd write them down with the hopes of getting some much needed rest.

I'm amazed at how quickly time passes.  I'm blown away by the way things change, seemingly without you even noticing and then suddenly you are face to face with it and you are left wondering what the heck happened and how the heck did I miss it?!  "Home" has changed for me...that's not necessarily a good or a bad thing...it's just change...plain and simple.  There is an old country song by Patty Loveless that had the lyric "Life's about change and nothing ever stays the same..." Wow, those words are so true.  It makes me wonder as I look at my sisters now in our upper thirties and think how that must hit my poor momma so hard...will that come quickly for me with mine?  Will I simply blink and one day be in my kitchen and have them standing there, grown...kinda sad but inevitable.

I loved being able to care for my momma and cook and clean for her.  It's not something I can't do often being so far away.  It's still comical to think she knows so little of this side of me but we are getting there.  It was awesome having her ask for a recipe.

I have worked hard this week.  There is a lot going on back home with my job.  I've put in more hours here than I ever would have been able to put in at home so it was a blessing being able to work at night with all the cool changes happening.  It's also helped fill the hole of missing those I love so much who are back where I am soon headed back to...home.

One of the best moments I will take with me from this trip though is this...family is family and no matter what, you do what needs to be done to show love.  They probably don't even realize it but my sisters were what I will take away from this trip...my sister Natasha driving a million miles just to bring me & my mom lunch and hug my neck even though she was super busy...and tonight, my sister Sherry as she walked out the door saying this "Thanks sis, you coming and helping means more than you know and I love you for it...I'll miss you"  I dang near lost it.

So, I'll cherish my lil moments...I hope you do too.  Gnite...I'm coming home y'all but I'm leaving home too.

Don't call it a Comeback...

Yeah, don't call it a comeback..."I been here for years!"  LOL!!

I'm contemplating returning to the world of blogging.  I think it will be good for me.  It's not so much about what others read or comment but more an outlet for me.

Anywho...

An update...

Life is crazy and busy and crazy but I'm not alone.  That's the normal for people around these parts.  My girls are getting big and the so tires the conjure up never leave me with a dull moment. 

I'm feeling the need for change in my life but can't decide what form that change needs to come in.  We'll see...I guess we all get restless sometimes.

I'm typing this with a puppy in my lap who's afraid to be alone for more than a second!  His name is Mr. Bow Jingle.  We named him that because "he had a bow on him and his bell jingles."  It worked for me because I liked the name Bo Jangles.  Anyway, I'll leave you with a funny.  My hubby called him a "redneck dog" the other day.  For the life of me I can't even remember why.  Moe suddenly looks up shocked and says "but daddy his neck is black and brown."  Needless to say we were in stitches.  That's probably why I can't remember what brought about the comment in the first place.

Well..peace out...

One more day...

There is this breathtaking song by an old country group, Diamond Rio. The title is One More Day. I've always loved this song from the very first time I heard it. It was in 2000 and I instantly thought of her. I'm sure it was intended to be a song written for lovers, yet I thought about the woman who shaped the life of my mom...the woman I was named after.

I lost her in my late teens and to be honest it was such a crummy time in my life over the break up of a high school boyfriend that I took for granted the last moments I had with her. I was too focused on the loss of a ridiculous relationship to focus on what was fading before my very eyes.

I have so many fond memories of her. Our weekends together introduced me to lovely things like piano and coffee. Flowers and the pain that comes from "pickin your own switch." I can close my eyese and take a deep breath and I'm THERE...with my sister Sherry. We are watching Heehaw (which she'd never probably admit to!) I can hear her voice even now "Auther you make those girls some coffee (now let's be clear it was mostly warm milk and lots of sugar but there was a teaspoon or two of coffee and HEY THAT COUNTS!) I remember watching her take her long her out of her bun and brush it for what seemed like forever.

I have to wonder now, what would my dear Grandma Lahti think of me now. There are so many things that we would disagree on quite frankly but wow I am so like her. Stubborn, strong, grounded. What I wouldn't give, especially today as my birthday approaches to have one more day. To have her know me as an adult, better yet as a Christian Woman...as a mom. Oh to have her meet my girls.

"Grandma, I would hold you EVERY second and say a million I love you's...that's what I do, with one more day with you."

You can watch the Diamond Rio video here.

The Woman behind the Legend...

Today is her birthday. Most women cringe at the thought of mentioning their age but not her. She's never been one to cringe at the thought of anything...well, I take that back. She hates the thought of losing somebody she loves. But anything else, there is always courage. No fear, no backing down. Today, she is 54 and she's beautiful. Take a look for yourself...My Momma...

I will start this post by saying blogging comes up often in my conversations with my mom. I haven't posted anything in FOREVER. I'm just too busy but it's one of the things she loves most, reading. And for some reason, she loves reading what I have to say, so here is my gift to her. I will resurrect my blog...for her. It seems a small price to pay for all the many sacrifices she has made for me over my lifetime.

My mom is by no means a Saint. She has lived a hard life and paid a very high price for it. She has made a lot of mistakes and I'm sure shed a lot of tears because of those mistakes so please don't read this and think for one second that I place her on some type of pedastool. Believe me, if I even attempted to, she climbed down quick, take me out back, make me "pick my own switch" and get down to the business at hand! She was afterall, raised by Leah Lahti!

However, even in her mistakes she has taught me a lot. She raised four of us essentially on her own and I love knowing that with all of our ups and downs, successes and failures, she looks at the four of us and smiles. She sees success in all of us. She finds pleasure in the small things.

I love that in the last year or so, my mom and I have found restoration, healing. I love that God showed me a part of my heart that was closed off to Him and to her and forced me to open it up. He came in with a broom and dustpan. He cleaned it up and cleaned it out and now there is something beautiful there where something cluttered and dusty used to lay.

My mom has taught me that through it all, even the darkest night, love will shine through. She also shown me that blood may be thicker than water but love is thicker than blood. When you love somebody, THAT is all that matters. It's not the bloodline that runs through your veins or the heritage that runs in your name.

Diane taught me the importance of being a giver, even when you think you have nothing to give, you ALWAYS have the shirt on your back because there is somebody out there who is worse off than you. She showed me the value of the dollar and how to not let money be my master.

I am proud of the woman she is today. I'm proud of the person she still strives to be.

Happy Birthday Mom...I love you.

And a child shall lead them...

Backdrop - Moe & Pediatrician at 4 year check up.

Pediatrician - draws a "t" and asks Moe, "do you know what letter this is?"

Moe: "mmm, yep."

Pediatrician: "What's the letter?"

Moe: "it's not a letter, it's a cross."

Pediatrician: "Oh, okay, you are right but what letter is it?"

Moe: "it's a cross.."

Pediatrician: "what letter does it look like?"

Moe: feeling un-heard, "It's a CROSS...Jesus died on it for MY SINS and YOUR SINS!"

Pediatrician: "Umm, okay, sweetie but what letter is it?"

Moe: Rolls her eyes, "if you turn it sideways, it's an "x" but that is a cross, okay?"

Well, alrighty then...Mommy wasn't sure whether to laugh at her child being cute or cry at her child's ability to witness to a doctor. Don't try to tell her where she can and can't preach her faith!

Happy Birthday sweet girl, you will do amazing things for our Lord and Savior.

Peace Out!

Watch out Thunderfoot...Moe's comin' for your job, Dude!

Moe celebrates her 4th birthday this week while Mommy & Daddy are on a cruise to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

So, Uncle JJ & Aunt Tata decided to give her birthday gift to her tonight...what can you say but

THANKS!!! (and revenge is painful!)

Enjoy ;0)



Peace Out!