Monday, October 13, 2008

"I said to myself..."

Growing up I was generally that awkward kid. I know it's hard to believe but it's true. I was tall and crazy skinny...not the "Oh wow you are so beautiful skinny" more like the "Is something wrong with you skinny!" I had HUGE glasses, trust me when I say huge that this is no exaggeration, and just to keep things kosher in the south, I had the Huge hair to match. My bangs (when I finally got them) had a wall of hairspray in them that could withstand a category 5 hurricane. Those babies weren't movin! Needless to say, I quickly found solace in humor.

I had this friend named Angel who totally got me in those days. We shared a love for big hair, beaches and boys! We would say some of the most ridiculous things just to get a laugh from our peers, our parents...anybody who was willing to listen. We shared a few classes in High School including Honors English...Mr. Bilderback. The way he would roll his eyes at our jokes just confirmed in us that we had something special.

Whenever we were telling a story to somebody and the need arose to use the phrase, "I told myself..." we would always follow it up with "Self!" For example, "I told myself, Self do not be afraid!" Let me guess, you are rolling your eyes right now like our beloved Mr. Bilderback?! Wow, I've still got it!

Anyway, another great past time of mine now that I have gotten older is beating myself up or judging myself. "It's a fear that keeps me wide awake, in the middle of the night. When the expectations are too great and the bar gets raised to high. So I do the best with what I've got and hope that no one knows. That I strain to see how high I can try to stand on these toes until I've measured but you know thank you Jesus even when you see us just as we are."

Shockingly these are song lyrics. It's like this artist peaked into the deepest, darkest parts of a mother's thoughts and some how put them into words. In my bible study this morning it talked about scattered emotions. Days when you are all over the place. However, I discovered something beautiful, something truly amazing in God's word today from the book of Isaiah.

I was reading about how we are the sheep and God is our shepherd. I learned about the reasons we are so like sheep and the different ways that he shepherds us. Isaiah 40:11 says the following, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Did you catch that last part? He gently leads those with young children. Oh my gosh!!! The creator of the universe gets it!! It's like he made us himself.

So today I said to myself, "Self, stop beating yourself up! You'll figure out this parenting thing! Just look to the greatest parent EVER...the heavenly father and he will gently lead you."

Peace Out!


Blogger Addie said...

Let's just agree that in high school you were honing that wicked sense of humor you have now. hee hee. Thanks for pointing out the verse and the last line in particular. It didn't strike me the first time until you pointed it out. What an awesome promise straight for a mother's heart!

10:50 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

That is a great promise and a wonderful statement about our dear God. How cool!
I'm with Ad, what would we do without that humor of yours? I'm glad you honed those skills!

8:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again you made me laugh out loud. : ) I was a taller, skinny kid too. And there are days (well like most days) that I wish I still had that metabolism. That's about the only thing I miss from my youth. : )

Susie Luv

10:34 AM  

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